These past few weeks were, I must say, an impressive series of events. The term impressive is just my polite way of saying overwhelming.
For a wolf pack of three, the youngest being one year old, my family is quite young, and haven’t gone through the obstacles other families faced. At this point, however, I feel we may be in a loop.
My husband had to make drastic decisions. Translate drastic: to choose whether or not to leave his job. I wont go into the details, but you can understand the gravity of the decision- that we have a baby to look out for.
It was a very emotional time for my husband. I often caught him staring into nothing and wearing this anguished look on his face. I know it should also be for me, but frankly, I was surprised to be calmer than expected. It was like I was steeling myself to prepare for the worst. But I also know that it is God who gave me that peace.
I would often ask him what God has impressed on him. Sometimes I catch myself in frustration with him, because I often say that if God has told you what to do, why is there anxiety and struggle? I told husband that I am ready for whatever decision he makes, but that I need to see him firm in his resolve.
Now I want kick myself because I realized it was God’s process of breaking my husband’s spirit, breaking him and making him whole again.
I was reading Understanding Job by Lim Kou, a free book given by my church last Father’s Day. When Satan, with God’s permission increased Job’s trials, covering his body with boils, his wife loathed him. She told him, “Do you still hold fast to your intergrity? Curse God and die!” But Job answered her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips (Job 2:10). It suddenly struck my heart, and one night I cried out this prayer, “Lord, I don’t want to be like Job’s wife. I don’t want to scorn a righteous man.” The phrase “submit to your husband” never rang clearer in my head.
And it all made sense to me after that. That I should not put my trust in my husband but in God. That it is a privilege for our family to go through these trials because God has chosen to deal with us to build our character. That I am blessed to be married to a man of God.